Is this really a piece of erotica, or have I just written a personal fantasy that isn’t really sexual at all? When the person in question isn’t stealing all of the duvet, I tend to sleep better with someone in bed next to me. My dreams have definitely started getting better since I’ve been taking anti-depressants, but I still often wish that there was someone there with me when I wake up in the middle of the night.
I’m at my parents’ house for Christmas, in a period of orgasm denial that would be a lot hotter if the chastity was being enforced by a dominant rather than a lack of privacy. There are many pieces of festive filth filling my head, each vying to be the next one I write, but this is a piece of personal reflection and private fantasy as much as it is erotica.
Before you read on, I’d like to add a content warning for discussion of depression and suicide.
When I’m masturbating, I sometimes try to enact elements of the fantasy that’s turning me on. When touching myself it’s often easier to lose myself in the sensations if I’m not trying to lose myself into the sensations. If I pretend I’m part of the filthy scene rather than just picturing the scenario, it takes the pressure off for me to be good at touching my clit or fingering my cunt and I just enjoy myself. This is such an example: the fantasy followed by the realities of the wank.
This piece of writing is ridiculously self-indulgent, involving a few of the things that have made me slick my knickers in the last couple of days. I want to be woken up in the middle of the night for sex, I want to be dominated, and I want to be held down and pissed on. I’ve been fantasising about being used and defiled, and this reflects that. I hope that you enjoy seeing where my depraved mind has taken me…
The BBC Radio 4 programme Just A Minute has been a favourite of mine for a while, which meant I was utterly delighted at Girl on the Net’s ‘Porn… in just a minute’ blog post. At the end of her post she challenges others to have a go at writing their own porn without hesitation, deviation or repetition. I’ve followed the same structure as she did, writing in a 15 minute time limit (no hestitaion), staying strictly to the story without asides (no deviation), and – discounting little words like ‘I’ and ‘and’ – not repeating myself. Here’s my attempt at porn in just a minute – do I deserve the benefit of the doubt?
This story was inspired by a tweet from @DomSigns and a text from a friend of mine. While the scenario is imagined, the guy I picture while writing it is very real. As finding another name to replace the one that I know him by is painfully hard, I’ll refer to him as E when the story requires it. (And if he’s reading this, I hope he’ll talk to me soon.)