It’s almost a month since Eroticon, and only now am I getting around to writing about my incredible experience there. At least, this post is about the confidence and inspiration Eroticon has given me. It’s also about myself secret superhero identity, as a sex blogger…
I’m a sex-blogging superhero – or at least one in training.
I doubt I’m the first person to use it, but ever since I first likened my secret identity as a sex blogger to being a super hero, I’ve had way too much fun using that analogy. I have a ‘civilian’ life, where I go to uni, do volunteer work, buy hundreds of books and spend my weekends hiking and camping whenever I can. I now also have a secret life, where I write filthy erotica, get my boobs out to take photos in semi-public places, and have parcels of sex toys arriving at my flat for me to review.
My secret identity is Jadis, and I want her to be a sex-positive superhero.
Even in my civilian life, I want to change the world. I dream big, and am not afraid to share my ridiculous dreams with the friends I trust the most. I want to change the fucking world, and sometimes I think I might. My volunteer work is a mixture of advocacy work and working with young people. I run sessions on body confidence, mental resilience and gender stereotypes. I like to think the thing I do does make a difference and empowers those I work with – even if I can help one person, change someone’s life in a small way, I feel like I’ll have done something good.
Two years ago, when I started my university degree, I felt the same about science. I did – and still do – believe that science can change the world. My priorities have shifted, though, just slightly. I no longer think I can make significant contributions to academia or research, I’m simply not that clever. What I hope now is that I can do a little bit to make studying sciences at university a little bit more accessible. At a training day for another volunteer role, I was the youngest person in the room by at least five years. I’ve undertaken a project looking at the barriers to girls accessing STEM subjects. I’ve attempted to increase awareness of women and people of colour who have made significant contributions to science but who aren’t talked about. I love science, and I’d love to show that science is not only fun, but is for everyone.
Maybe I’m pretentious, maybe I’m just absurd, but I want to change the world.
By the time I made the decision to study science at university, I’d given up any hope that I’d be able to change the world with my words. As a child I wanted to write, to tell stories, but as I grew up I learned that it was almost impossible to make it as an author. I scribbled fanfiction and fantasy stories in my spare time, but was certain that my words would never be good enough, my stories never important enough, to share with the world and make a difference. Today, I have reached the point where I can hope – even if I can’t quite know – that I was wrong.
It was Eroticon that changed that.
Everything about Eroticon was amazing. I met brilliant people, went to fantastic sessions, and learnt so much. I’m so glad that I had enough ridiculous courage to buy a ticket and throw myself into the weekend. I had a brilliant time, and I came away with new friends and new confidence. There’s one quote in particular – said by a writer I have to admit I fangirled over just slightly at the weekend – that I think will stay with me for a long time:
“Your words can change the world”
Since Eroticon, I’ve posted my first sex toy review and updated the ‘about me!’ page on my blog… as well as adding an exciting-but-scary ‘work with me!’ page. I came back from Eroticon with an idea in my head of what I wanted to do with my blog. I wanted to spread sex-positivity, talk about mental health, encourage conversations about sexuality… so many things. I want to use my blog to share the stories that would have helped me when I was figuring out my sexuality, when I was worrying if I was broken because it was extremely painful when a partner tried to push a finger into my vagina…
I’m growing to believe that my words are powerful, and can change the world… or at least help someone.
I’d used the analogy of sex bloggers having superhero-like identities before Eroticon, but after the weekend I knew what kind of sex-blogging superhero I want to be. I’ve got lots to learn – I’m discovering new things about my own body and kinks every day, so I know there is even more I have to learn about sex-positivity, intersectional-feminism, queer-activism… but I’m no longer saying ‘I could never do that’ or ‘I’ll never be as good as them’. I probably can’t, and possibly never will, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I’ve always wanted to change the world; I just never thought I would achieve this by writing about sex. I now believe, though, that maybe I can. I’m a sex blogger, a sex writer, and one who can acknowledge how powerful I can be… with the use of an explicative at least:
My words can change the fucking world.
I have a photo of the wonderful mug with Girl on the Net’s quote on it from Eroticon, but I sadly cannot access it today. It will appear in the post at a later date…